Archive for June 2009

Dumb Dog (sorry, it's true)

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

There are many delightful reasons to have a doggy, and I do love my delicious dog dearly.
skunky mutt
But this week has not been his very bestest week. Although Riley studiously ignores the mophers who eat my tomatoes, it turns out he is very interested in skunk. So interested. So so so interested that he chased a skunk behind our house and then got back inside before we realized what that horrendous smell was.

It was him.
And he rubbed his smelly skunky self all over my new bedding and entry way and it was awful, I tell you AWFUL to besmell. I will now try to glean some good from the whole awful experience by sharing with you what I have learned lest you ever find yourself in the same (disgusting) position.

These are serious tips and tricks people, take note:

1. That awful burning rubber or gas smell is not rubber or gas; it is SKUNK.

2. So don't let the dog back in the house.

3. Don't turn all the swamp coolers up in an effort to clear the air and only pull more perfumania into the house. Don't.
4. In fact, don't let your doggy out after dark at all seeing as skunks are nocturnal. I know, right? Totally logical and yet I never thought of it. Not that logic is my thing...but I wish it was.

5. Tomato juice is out. Make a paste with vinegar, baking soda, and a squirt of dish soap to wash hair of dog, self, and children. Rubbing the same paste on my new bedding and washing on sanitary setting got the smell out, thank goodness!

artistic photo of my tools for deskunking

6. Squirt natures miracle Skunk Oder Remover, available at Petco, all over everything. Yes, everything! Then wash your hands with it.

Ah, it was so awful. At 11pm Marc made the executive decision that we simply couldn't sleep in our skunkafied home so we invaded my parents. They may be the most gracious people on the planet. Not only did they let us smell up their guest rooms, they showed up the next day unexpectedly to help us clean.

And now, three days later, the smell is almost entirely gone. Mostly. I hope.

Motley Towels

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I have to have the worst assortment of towels ever. Years ago, when Marc and I were first married we had a nice set of lovely matching towels that were wedding gifts from people who loved us and had checked our Macy's registry and bought us towels. Lovely lovely matching towels. The joy.

But while we were living in our first little studio (fold out of the wall bed, I am not even kidding), I left those sweet defenseless towels in the common laundry area and they were towel napped. I was naive enough to write a note begging for their release and left it in the laundry room but, as you may have guessed, there was no mercy.

And that was the beginning of my towel mismatch misery. Probably that was so long ago that I can't really blame all my towel woes on the incident, but I've never really recovered.

I tried buying matching white towels that I thought I could bleach and keep white, but don't do that because it does not work. Now I have a bunch of white towels that feel nice but look dirty the minute they come out of the dryer and no amount of treatments make a different.

Once I worked at Williams and Sonoma and so I acquired their lovely matching dish towels, but they are super worn out now and I just keep using them. Dish towels at my house run the risk of scary encounters with 409 with bleach anyway; they all end up speckled.

Once I bought lovely fancy company type towels to stage a house Marc built and when that was over I took them home and SWORE that they would stay nice and only come out for company and that worked for awhile until they turned up in the laundry one day with oil paint all over them.

When I interrogated the children Katie admitted that she had used them to protect her desk from getting messy while she painted. "Why! Why these ones?" I cried. And she told me sweetly that she picked ones that she thought I didn't like because I never use them.


No, I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't know why I'm writing about this. Plus even when we get some nice new towels I have to keep all of the old ones (because is why) so the entire collection, as it were, never looks lovely matchy anyway.

The end.

Summer Vaycay

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Here is my Jonathan.
And my Ellie.

Don't they look sweet and angelic?
It is only the first week of Summer vacation and already I have had to invent a new rule for them. It goes, "No making up songs that say mean words about each other and then insisting that you are singing about a different Ellie or a different Jonathan."

We don't even know any other Ellies or Jonathans.

And also, when I went to do laundry (bluck) every single one of Ellie's t-shirts had fudgesicle on it.

Confessions of a Bad Chicken Mama

Sunday, June 14, 2009

It is confession time. Oh, I really don't want to tell you this, but I just can't blog properly when I'm hiding something.

I lost my chickens. I know. I know. It is too awful. I am a terrible baby chicken mama. Ellie and her friends were playing in the coop with the cluck clucks and I guess the door wasn't closed properly or something because when Maddie went to feed them the next day they were no where to be found. Only (I can barely stand it) a pile of feathers.

I know. It is totally my fault. I knew the latch was tricky sometimes and I forgot to go out and make sure it was secure after the girls were done playing. I feel so ashamed. My poor babies.

There, now you know. Farming is hard. There is a mole who has stolen four of my tomato plants, too. And because I am such a bad farmer it took me almost a week before I bought poison to put down his little holes.

Because who really wants to kill something? Even a naughty little mole? So I spent several days running water down his holes and sending him BAD vibes in the hopes he would feel my negative energy and go away. It turns out it doesn't really work that way.

But now we have eight new chicks and Marc fed our mole poison peanuts and I guess we are going to give it another shot. Send me your good vibes, kay?


Speaking of fantasies, I would so like to be painted as a Modigliani. I have always thought the most beautiful woman have oval faces with flat panes to them, and he made every woman he painted so lovely.

Maddie is Sweet Sixteen

Friday, June 12, 2009

Tomorrow Maddie thinks she is going to turn 16. She's pretty excited about it.

Personally, I can barely stand it. I've pretty much been an emotional mess all week what with Katie graduating from middle school and Maddie trying to turn 16. I realized I'm at the end of my rope when I started crying during the fourth graders rendition of The Climb, by Miley Cirus. Lame.

But back to Maddie, my first baby, my sweetheart. She really does have a heart of gold and is such a good mini mom. There are so many reasons why her dad and I are proud of her, but the main one is probably her commitment to the things she believes in.

She has a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and all of her life radiates from that. How could I be any happier? She is sweet (okay, mostly) to her sibs, helpful to me, kind, fair (fair is a huge deal with her), smart, fun and funny. She doesn't care too much what other people think and I love that about her too. And on that note....herrrrrrrre's Maddie:

Favorite movie? Transformers

Favorite book? Too many to choose

Place she'd most like to visit? Probably Japan

Best place to eat out? Sushi places, or potbelly's

Most loved item of clothing? Purple skinny jeans (rock on!)

Best friend or lots of friends? Best friend

Morning or night? Night

Beach or snow? Snow (I don't believe her)

Favorite band? Linkin Park

Best thing on TV? So You Think You Can Dance (loves Pushing Daisies, too)

What makes you mad? People who are mad for stupid reasons (she doesn't mean me I hope)

What are you going to be when you grow up? A mom, or a high school teacher

I also happen to know that she has a ma-jor sweet tooth, it takes a lot of sugar to keep this sweetie going.

I love you little face! Happy Sweet Sixteen!

Fat Flush Diet

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I know I said I wasn't going to talk about my weight issues, but that was just a lie. Today was Marc's and my first day on the Fat Flush Diet and it turns out I'll have to write about it since it's the only thing on my mind. Whenever I try to loose weight it turns out the only thing I can think about is food.

And yes I know that Weight Watchers is the best way to go, but I needed something to really give us a jump start and I like this plan because it cuts out all the "bad" foods. I want to see how Marc feels when he isn't eating any of the foods he used to allergic to.

I also like that we get to jump on the trampoline. That's one of the plan "rules," really. When Marc and I were out jumping at 6:30 this morning I started laughing and couldn't stop. Can you create a mental picture of two old fat people out bouncing around in their work out clothes. We have no grace or balance and after about a minute Marc announces, "oh yea, here come the farts."

Free Crap for the Taking

Friday, June 5, 2009

Today must be "put all your weird sized trash by the side of the road" day in our neighborhood because when Marc and I were driving to the track this morning we saw some major treasures. MAJOR I tell you!

I tried to get Marc to pull over for several beautiful to behold items but he was having none of it. Lately he is all about getting rid of the crap in our garage (most of it left over from the previous owners) so he refused to see the magic in all of the FREE stuff just ripe for the picking.

Not even a real one person sized sail boat--with an actual sail, or the lemonade stand. I have to go back for them.

The people we rent from built shelves in our garage made out of hundreds of boxes of empty beer bottles and plywood. I think it's funny, but it kind of bugs Marc. I think it's this "bug" that makes him grouchy about getting more craptastic stuff.

I'll have to be stealthy.

YES, I can be stealthy.

Brain Mush

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I seriously can't think of anything blog worthy to talk about tonight. I have a few personal blog rules, mostly about what I won't write about. Stuff like my weight issues (boring!), and kidney donation (gross!), and teenage girl dramalamadingdong (because they can read).

Everything else on my mind is seriously underdeveloped, like why is "Terminator: the Sara Conner Chronicles" canceled? I like that show. And also WHY can't I save any money? If you spend any time in blog land you know that frugal is the new black. But pretty much I rot at that.

I listed a bunch of stuff on craigslist on Sunday, so now I have to check my email every five minutes or so to see if anyone is buying's completely taking up my whole day. Crazy.

Maybe it is just time to go to bed and let another day come.

The Grass

Monday, June 1, 2009

Our friends at the Bain Household have asked me to post more of Jonathan's videos. Here then, are his musical stylings in "The Grass."


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