Archive for March 2015

Storage Wars-Fosse Edition

Sunday, March 15, 2015

I have fantasies that this blog will evolve into a tasteful, inspiring website about decorating, cooking, DIYing, and other domestic pursuits. The problem is that what I like to write about is my life, and my life refuses to get on board and be tasteful and inspiring. It more wants to be smelly and weird. Want to hear about it anyway? 

So last summer Jonathan had a sweet job putting together long boards and we forced him to save half of each paycheck. He kept pestering us about things he REALLY wanted to buy (the exact opposite of save) causing Marc to utter the rule that has changed everything. The rule was this: you can only use the money in your savings account to make more money. I thought Marc was maybe going to help him do some investing or something sane like that.

But sane is not what ensued. Oh no. What followed was Marc and Jonathan watching this show called Storage Wars where people bid on the contents of abandoned storage units and then sell the contents for a profit. It's pretty nasty if you ask me. Which they didn't. They just got up one lovely Saturday morning and drove off to an auction in Sacramento where apparently the getting was good because they bought three lockers full of everything gross you can imagine.

See this photo from the TV show? How it makes the people look semi-cool and like there's lots of money involved?

That is NOT what it is like! What it is like is people stash all their weird and nasty stuff that they don't want into a locker and then they decide that they don't even want the stuff bad enough to keep paying for the unit so they abandon it and then it sits there for a year getting rank and then your husband and son buy it! And then instead of realizing that the stuff is gross and smells awful they put it in a truck and bring it all to your house. That is what it is like.

Do I sound bitter?

I'm going to stop ranting for one minute and concede that between selling things on Craigslist and selling for a day at the flea market Marc has helped Jonathan make a butt load of money. Which would be fantastic if it didn't also mean that my garage and garden room and backyard are FULL of other peoples crap. Because even though they've sold a ton of stuff, there is still a small apartment's worth of "treasures" to sort and sell. So, back to ranting.

Here is a picture of our backyard that I took while we were sorting stuff in preparation for the next soiree at the flea market.

Do we look cool? Or like there is lots of money involved? No. We look like white trash. We also have, like, four cars parked in our driveway and a 1959 VW Bug in our garage waiting to be fixed up, but I digress.

I know what you want to know. It's what everyone who hears about this little venture asks want to know what was in the lockers. A bad smell is what was in the lockers; it's the main thing that makes me so grouchy about all this. But there was a TON of actual items too. Stuff that Marc and Jonathan often think is awesome but I refuse to be sucked into their madness. That's not really true, the stuff is at my house and I begrudgingly help go through it (because I am trying to facilitate it speedily being sold or thrown away) so obviously I have been sucked in. But I don't think the things they've found are awesome. That's where I put my foot down.

But for your entertainment, here is a by no means comprehensive list of the things we have found. You can make up your own mind about its awesomeness:

A massive collection of "let's be prepared for the zombie apocalypse" knives and axes and brass knuckles and machetes with a few clubs thrown in for good measure. 

Upwards of 20 watches, a washer and dryer set, a bunch of silver jewelry, a bowflex, a whole bunch of prescription drugs (not sure if all the marijuana was "medical"), six TVs, someone's beloved collection of Mariah Carey paraphernalia,  tons of icky clothes that we mostly took to the dump, two old reclining chairs, lots and lots of tools, DVDs (we threw out the ones that were porn)(which was a lot), every kind of electronic from stereos to irons, pocket rocket bikes, regular bikes, and on and on and on. Here is Jonathan examining a tin full of keys to who knows what that someone saw fit to store.
Being a straight arrow Mormon I have never actually handled marijuana or pornography before. And for some reason when I come across it I act like a ten year old, snickering about the pot and shrieking and covering my eyes if I glimpse the cover of a pornographic DVD. It's just so gross! Don't worry, all illegal materials have been bagged and taken to the dump, including a fairly extensive bong collection. 

And that, my friends, is what's been going on at the Fosse's. Don't be jealous. 


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