Barnaclebutt

artistic photo of my tools for deskunking

6. Squirt natures miracle Skunk Oder Remover, available at Petco, all over everything. Yes, everything! Then wash your hands with it.

Ah, it was so awful. At 11pm Marc made the executive decision that we simply couldn't sleep in our skunkafied home so we invaded my parents. They may be the most gracious people on the planet. Not only did they let us smell up their guest rooms, they showed up the next day unexpectedly to help us clean.

And now, three days later, the smell is almost entirely gone. Mostly. I hope.

I have to have the worst assortment of towels ever. Years ago, when Marc and I were first married we had a nice set of lovely matching towels that were wedding gifts from people who loved us and had checked our Macy's registry and bought us towels. Lovely lovely matching towels. The joy.

But while we were living in our first little studio (fold out of the wall bed, I am not even kidding), I left those sweet defenseless towels in the common laundry area and they were towel napped. I was naive enough to write a note begging for their release and left it in the laundry room but, as you may have guessed, there was no mercy.

And that was the beginning of my towel mismatch misery. Probably that was so long ago that I can't really blame all my towel woes on the incident, but I've never really recovered.

I tried buying matching white towels that I thought I could bleach and keep white, but don't do that because it does not work. Now I have a bunch of white towels that feel nice but look dirty the minute they come out of the dryer and no amount of treatments make a different.

Once I worked at Williams and Sonoma and so I acquired their lovely matching dish towels, but they are super worn out now and I just keep using them. Dish towels at my house run the risk of scary encounters with 409 with bleach anyway; they all end up speckled.

Once I bought lovely fancy company type towels to stage a house Marc built and when that was over I took them home and SWORE that they would stay nice and only come out for company and that worked for awhile until they turned up in the laundry one day with oil paint all over them.

When I interrogated the children Katie admitted that she had used them to protect her desk from getting messy while she painted. "Why! Why these ones?" I cried. And she told me sweetly that she picked ones that she thought I didn't like because I never use them.

See?

No, I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't know why I'm writing about this. Plus even when we get some nice new towels I have to keep all of the old ones (because is why) so the entire collection, as it were, never looks lovely matchy anyway.

The end.

Here is my Jonathan.
And my Ellie.

Speaking of fantasies, I would so like to be painted as a Modigliani. I have always thought the most beautiful woman have oval faces with flat panes to them, and he made every woman he painted so lovely.

I know I said I wasn't going to talk about my weight issues, but that was just a lie. Today was Marc's and my first day on the Fat Flush Diet and it turns out I'll have to write about it since it's the only thing on my mind. Whenever I try to loose weight it turns out the only thing I can think about is food.

And yes I know that Weight Watchers is the best way to go, but I needed something to really give us a jump start and I like this plan because it cuts out all the "bad" foods. I want to see how Marc feels when he isn't eating any of the foods he used to allergic to.

I also like that we get to jump on the trampoline. That's one of the plan "rules," really. When Marc and I were out jumping at 6:30 this morning I started laughing and couldn't stop. Can you create a mental picture of two old fat people out bouncing around in their work out clothes. We have no grace or balance and after about a minute Marc announces, "oh yea, here come the farts."

Today must be "put all your weird sized trash by the side of the road" day in our neighborhood because when Marc and I were driving to the track this morning we saw some major treasures. MAJOR I tell you!

I tried to get Marc to pull over for several beautiful to behold items but he was having none of it. Lately he is all about getting rid of the crap in our garage (most of it left over from the previous owners) so he refused to see the magic in all of the FREE stuff just ripe for the picking.

Not even a real one person sized sail boat--with an actual sail, or the lemonade stand. I have to go back for them.

The people we rent from built shelves in our garage made out of hundreds of boxes of empty beer bottles and plywood. I think it's funny, but it kind of bugs Marc. I think it's this "bug" that makes him grouchy about getting more craptastic stuff.

I'll have to be stealthy.

YES, I can be stealthy.

I seriously can't think of anything blog worthy to talk about tonight. I have a few personal blog rules, mostly about what I won't write about. Stuff like my weight issues (boring!), and kidney donation (gross!), and teenage girl dramalamadingdong (because they can read).

Everything else on my mind is seriously underdeveloped, like why is "Terminator: the Sara Conner Chronicles" canceled? I like that show. And also WHY can't I save any money? If you spend any time in blog land you know that frugal is the new black. But pretty much I rot at that.

I listed a bunch of stuff on craigslist on Sunday, so now I have to check my email every five minutes or so to see if anyone is buying anything...it's completely taking up my whole day. Crazy.

Maybe it is just time to go to bed and let another day come.

Our friends at the Bain Household have asked me to post more of Jonathan's videos. Here then, are his musical stylings in "The Grass."