Barnaclebutt

This week I am pretending I am a large and fancy blogger by giving tips as if I am an expert and people care what I think. Some people do, actually, care what I think so I'm not completely faking here. When they are hungry my family members care very sincerely about what I think we are having for dinner. Because it usually comes true. So. That's good.

Tips! Today I am sharing my "witch doctor" tips that I mostly learned from my Mother-in-law and Sister-in-law who shall henceforth be known as "Mom" and "Jenna." To say I have 10 of them would be (is) a gross exaggeration, but the four I'm giving you are really pretty good so I think it's going to be worth it for you to hang in there with me.

I'm going to go from least powerful to most spectacular a la David Letterman.

4. Okay, this one is good for when you get a sty on your eye. You take a penny and rub it rapidly back and forth over your jeans until it feels hot. Then hold it on your ouchie (closed!) eye until it cools down. Do this two or three times, it helps the swelling go away much quicker. I don't know why, but if someone else does it for you it works even better.

3. Marc learned this one from his Mom-it's for when you have an earache. Pour a little olive oil in a spoon and then heat the oil by holding a lit match under the spoon. The first time Marc wanted to try it on me I wouldn't let him, then I got a really bad middle of the night earache and figured warm oil in my ear was better than the ice pick I was planning to poke in there any minute. And it worked! I was able to sleep that night and then went to the doctor the next day.

Um, when you go to the doctor the next day I don't know how she'll feel about you getting vicarious medical advice from a witch doctor on the internet. Maybe you shouldn't mention it.

2. Airborne. It does help kick a cold. My number 1 tip is better, but it's hard to get kids (or a sick baby husband) to participate so sometimes you have to go with second best. Which is Airborne.

1. And the number one witch doctor tip from my mom is what we fondly refer to as "the cocktail." Here's whatcha do. At the first hint you are getting a cold, and I mean the first itch in your throat or slightly stuffy nose, you've got to bust out this cocktail:
Rx-take whatever the bottle recommended dose is of
vitamin c
vitamin a
echinacea